A bit of a Makeover

By Christine Celeste

Hi, I'm Christine and I would describe myself as a blended gender person who acknowledges that I am part man and part woman and likes to express both aspects as and when the circumstances are appropriate.

I have been dressing since I was about four. Had the obligatory purges over the years but have now accepted the reality of my need to express my feminine side.

I am married with two daughters - who are very understanding but don't like seeing me dressed.

I feel complete when I am Christine - so relaxed (when I am not stressed about people spotting me...).

I believe that there is something deeply important about expressing myself - possibly to do with the anima (the inner feminine that all men have). But it is a journey I am only part way through.

I have published my book on my blog (exploringmyfeminineside.com) which has three parts; a story of my cross-dressing, a discussion of my beliefs, partly related to gender and partly other things, then a third part which is quite esoteric.

Here are some of the reasons why I cross-dress:

I have always had a strong feminine side and expressing it makes me feel truly me. It overcomes the 'false-self' that I have learned to present since my earliest experiences of not being accepted as who I really am.

It makes me feel good. I feel energy coursing through my body when I dress. I feel at home.

It is an expression of the divine feminine within me - as per Jung's anima.

It is a fetish that turns me on (as per the DSM 'disorder' definition of transvestism).

It makes me feel free.

It is exciting to take on a different personality and walk about behind a different facade.

I like to look beautiful.

It is a creative work of art, using my body as a canvas, to create a thing of feminine beauty (this is a new realisation for me).

I like taking photos with a touch of eroticism and the delightfully intriguing ambiguity and paradox of transgender.

It is because I've always felt in some way like a girl, I like dancing and music and being with girls/women - I like their company in a like-minded way.

It is a statement against the macho male stereotype of football and laddishness.

I love wearing heels, nylons, make-up, colourful clothes, the feeling of a skirt.

It is an addiction.

Not sure about this one - but it could be something to do with wanting to get close to my mum who may have rejected me at some critical point in my chidhood (although I don't remember it).

Because my mum wanted a girl and I was influenced in the womb.

Because I didn't get enought testosterone in the womb.

Because I've always loved looking at beautiful women and to become one is an experience of getting inside that beauty and becoming it.

It enables me to escape from the anxiety of living up to my usual male persona.

It takes me back to the innocence of childhood when I dressed as a very young boy.

It's an interesting challenge to create an authentic passable look. I like trying to perfect the look and learning each time I do it.

It puts me in touch with some deeper part of me that I cannot contact any other way.

To experience what it is like to be a woman and be treated like a woman.

I enjoy exhibiting photos of myself on the internet and receiving accolades from my followers.

Because in all my previousincarnations I have been either male or female, and now it is time to express myself across the whole specrum of gender, in other words, gender is simply an expression of a genderless self which is needed in a world that can only accept polarities.

I like to play with my gender expression, and experience life in as many different ways as I can.

So that I can begin to experience 'how the other half lives'!

Feel free to judge me in any way you feel you need to - but these are my honest thoughts.