An Urge That Is Buried Very Deep

By Helene Wouters
I am a long time tg girl, setting my first careful steps in online digital land.

As my profile says : I am taken with a supporting wife, so not at all interested in male attention (a well meant compliment on how I look is the one exception :)). I am interested in like minded people that i can share ideas and thoughts with and why not if they live close by... share time with.

My fav clothing style (as i am sure you guessed from my pictures) is rather classy. Love certain italian and french designers like Max Mara, Rena Lange, Hugo Boss etc.

After my last update (see below) I got some questions about what drives me, why I dress up?

Well in short, I do not know. it is just there and seems to satisfy a need, an urge that is buried very deep into who I am. It is like being thirsty : you can postpone it a little, but the urge will just become increasingly bigger until you drink :)

But what am I trying to accomplish, what is my ultimate goal? Again very simple. I am (as I am sure many if not all of you ladies reading this profile) trying to pass as a woman in average day to day situations, so not just in a picture, no: In all aspects. Now I am too much of a down to earth realist to know that I will never pass as a real woman in a live situation. but I aim to get as close as I can given the limitations I have as a genetic guy. would I ever want to have been born a female. Hmmm, I wanted to say: no but if I could snap into a the body of the genetic female once a month for a day, I would not hesitate. Will I transition? NO. I am happy with my life as a male.

As I am no longer making my first careful steps in online digital land, but have been on Flickr for 6 years now, posted 300 pictures who have inspired 1100 people to follow me and all together have viewed my pictures 4.5Million times (omg, 4.500.000 views!!!). SO, I thought it was about time to update this profile.

I have received countless wonderful comments, for which I want to explicitly say thank you to all you lovely ladies out there. I have made some really nice friends online, some of whom I have had the chance to meet in real life and some I hope to one day get a chance to meet in person. much to my surprise, I really have NOT encountered any awkward or hostile people, although I have seen where other ladies have had that 'privilege'.

Other good reason for this update is that I feel i have turned a page on how I personally deal with my hobby. the

- First 10 years were all about: oh my god, I am not normal and all alone on this planet with this weird obsession

- The next 5, I spent hoping for my parents and sisters/brothers to leave me home alone, so I could slip on my mother's things, still feeling very alone and guilty

- The next 5 in college brought more opportunity to dress but it was all still very much finding out as I had really no way to hide female things in my small college flat

- The next 12 years I spent being married and just never got round to telling my wife. my marriage lasted 12 years and I did not dress once during that time. But my world exploded when internet entered my life and I finally found I was NOT alone. what a revelation!!!!

- When my wife divorced me (had nothing to do with my passion for women's clothes), I lived alone for 3 years and before I could count to 10, I had bought my first complete set of female attire, including makeup. when I look back at these first serious steps in Transgender Land... omg i looked like.... i will let you all judge for yourselves and post one of these early pictures :)

- When i met my current wife, i immediately decided to tell her about my urges to put on female clothes once and awhile. it was not easy but i could NOT go back to 'not dressing' as that would make me extremely unhappy. much to my surprise she just asked a few basic questions which i am sure you will all recognize: are you gay, how far will this go (i.e., will you get breasts and become a transsexual), will you promise to me this is between you and me and nobody else we know (i.e., will you be discrete). after the answer to all these questions was positive, she said : so when can I come to one of your makeovers in London? WOW!

- 2 weeks ago, after my most recent visit to Inka of Transgendermakeover.nl, I decided that Helene would become more visible in the real world (I am used to going out in the dark when few people are about, but not during the daytime). Inka dragged me off to have lunch in a nearby city and it was just wonderful, the week after, my wife and I had dinner with some ladies in a restaurant and after that i promised to myself I would keep this up. No more hiding in the shadows. Helene is stepping out into the spotlight. Life is too short to live it in the shadow.

That's it for now.

If i feel the urge to write some more, i will supplement this bio, and if any of you ladies have any questions or feel you want to react, send me a Flickr mail!

Hugs, Helene

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