Female Cousins Dressed Me Up As A Girl
By Traci Loren
When I was about 14 years old my family and I returned to live in England after living in Australia for two years. On our return to the UK we stayed with our Second Cousins, whose children were the same ages as ourselves except the oldest and third cousins were girls. One winters day in November we had little to do (no computer and little on TV then) except make our own entertainment. That day my female cousins dressed me up as a girl. I have no idea if that was what started my dressing but is my earliest recollection. Since that day I have over the years dressed up from time to time. Some times having months and months between dressing and other times when ever I had the opportunity. The only times I ventured out was for fancy dress parties, and events were I thought I would get away with it. Recently however I have gone out on a couple of occasions and felt comfortable enough in my appearance that I felt it was at least not easy to tell I was guy dressed as a girl.
I have always felt ashamed of myself for dressing, but at the same time felt I could not stop and have tried over the years only to fall back into the same routine. I also felt very lonely and isolated thinking that I had a mental problem that no one else suffered. It was not until many years later and accidentally finding a web site when looking for Science Fiction shows on the net that I found a site about men that dressed as women I realized that I was not alone and the number of cross dressing people (male and female) is closer to 1 in 10, and the number of transsexual persons numbers about 1 in 200
First I must say that my Darling Wife has known of my dressing from the beginning, I decided to be up front and honest from the start. Although at times it was difficult for my Wife to accept in the beginning, she has supported me over the years. When my friend Lisa and I became friends, I confided in her my hobby. I felt ashamed and expected to be reviled and be ignored. I told Lisa because I felt I could trust her and that may be Robyn would have some one to talk to about my dressing! I was pleasantly surprised of Lisa reaction and her understanding which is probably why I trusted to tell her in the first place, and also why we would sometimes have secret little chats out of everyone's ear shot. That was in 2002. Because of Lisa acceptance and understanding, and is also in part after reading many similar stories on the internet, I went one step further and told my Mother in law. This was a huge step, but felt necessary as on numerous occasions over the years she has nearly caught me dressed on a number of occasions (she lives in the house behind us). A while ago after a particularly bad time between my wife and I, I moved to my brothers place for some space for 10 days, it was at that time I had a lot of emotional baggage on board and decided to tell him about Traci (the girl name that my wife gave many years ago). My brother is an ex police officer and I did not know what to expect but at that time I also did not care. To my surprise his only comment was as long as I did not go in to his bedroom in heels he did not care. This was a huge weight lifted from me and due to his reaction I went another step further, and decided to tell my other brother and sister-in-law. My other brother is an Ambulance officer and a tad homophobic. Just before I decided to tell him he was making comments about homosexuals. I decided to tell him and my sister-in-law anyway. He also surprised me and said Blood is thicker than water and it was the end of the issue. Since then I have told my four sons. I would also like to thank my friends and work mates for there understanding & compassion of which I have been blessed.
In the end I would like to say that I am not kinky, I do not dress for any sexual pleasure, I am not a homosexual, I do not want a sex change, and truly admire and at times envy women, there compassion, and beauty (alright bitchiness as well which I no doubt act from so many years working with you girls). It is a kind of hobby and at least I am not down the pub, drunk, smoking my head off, doing drugs or driving fast cars. I am also fortunate that a lot of clothing I wear is borrowed from my wife and due to my hobby we both share a large wardrobe of clothing! Also having worked with women for the past 33 years I have been privy to conversations that most guys have not or may never hear (some could make your hair curl). I am not sure if that is a good thin or bad, and have been told on many occasions I am just another girl at work when some conversations have taken place!!!!! I must admit some conversations have been eye opening.
I recently joined a support group for persons who also dress called the Carrosel club, I am not sure if this a path I really want to go down, but have joined so that my Wife could meet wives of dressers as she could get support, as I ask for yours.
I hope by letting you all know that you will give me understanding, and will not be judgmental, and no doubt I will of given you all plenty to talk about in the coming weeks and months. I am still the same person as you have always known and trust by telling you all that I have unloaded a lot more emotional baggage and hopefully make my life a little less stressful for the future.