Mysterious Fascination For Me

By Celine
My name is Celine. I was born in the 60’s in a little town in the South of Germany.

Since my early childhood all things feminine have held a mysterious fascination for me, but it wasn’t until I was five or six years old that the “Dressing up Games” began.

From the moment I first dressed in my sister’s clothes, I knew that this would be something that would be with me for the rest of my life.

Throughout my childhood and into my adolescent years I have worn everything that was available to me in my parent’s home.

I was always envious of my older sisters freedom to express herself as a girl and on Birthdays and at Christmas I would cry when she received gifts of beautiful clothing.

It wasn’t until the beginning of my puberty that I realised that nature had cheated me and that I should have been born as a girl.

As my puberty progressed and my masculinity attempted to assert it’s self I began to grow hair in all of those manly places. I became more and more disgusted by it and I would spend much time plucking them from where ever and when ever I could find them.

I was a very slim, shy and introverted boy who always thought there was something wrong with him.

I was never able to play in my High Schools football team. Even though I tried and tried the team coach banned me because I was such a bad player. I was just a gangly girl trying to belong by trying be a boy.

When the drama teacher needed someone of a female role for a performance in the school theatre I always feigned reluctance but always allowed then to talk me into playing the part.

As time went by and because I was growing so fast I found that everything that was available to me became too short or too tight so I decided to begin buying women’s clothing of my own.

My wardrobe seemed to grow overnight and I soon ran out of places to hide my pretty feminine things. Having spent so much money buying my wonderful treasures I found that everywhere was crammed, my loud speakers, the base of my Armoire, two boxes under my bed and even a trunk in the attic.

I dressed up almost every day and to my amazement nobody ever discovered my secret.

Even though my most cherished reading materials were about Art, Paintings, photography and fashion, I kept enough football, car and computers magazines to disguise what was obvious to me.

I was diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder about Fifteen years ago and I could start Hormone Replacement Therapy when ever I like but I cannot find the courage because I fear that I may damage myself. There are so many things that could go wrong. Maybe one day!

Over the years, as I have polished the visible aspects of my feminine personality and I now have a wonderful collection of chic ladies fashions, but it wasn’t until I watched the marriage of the Lady Dianna and Prince Charles that I realised that for me there is nothing more beautiful than a bride on her wedding day, and I became determined to experience, at least in part, what it felt like.

It wasn’t until I had the money and of course the courage to visit a bridal store that I was able to buy my first gown. Today? I own 12 of them. A little compulsive I hear you say?

Surely not! Haha!

Through not denying myself my hearts desire, I find that I am very comfortable with the feminine side of my personality and my dream is to appear in public and to be accepted as the woman that I really am but cannot fully be.


The past few years have shed a lot of light on the crossdressing and transgender communities. Many people who don’t know a crossdresser firsthand might think that it’s a way for someone to get attention. Caitlin Jenner got a reality TV show out of it, and she was named “woman of the year.” Yet this type of lifestyle isn’t about attention. If Caitlin Jenner were faking a life for the cameras, she wouldn’t be able to “fake” her lifestyle off-camera too. In fact, Caitlin Jenner doesn’t consider herself a crossdresser; she considers herself transgender. Crossdressing has been around for thousands of years, and it will be around for thousands more.

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