These Feelings Had To Be Hidden

Meggan H

I feel like I have been a crossdresser all of my life! Growing up in a rural market town in southwest England in the 60s, I always had a fascination with makeup, playing with my mother’s Avon eyeshadow and lipstick from an early age.

Even then, I knew these feelings had to be hidden to be accepted. Not having any sisters or girl cousins to play with, the full joys of dressing would have to wait until much later in life so for many years I was content to just play with makeup.

After moving into my own house, I realised that Christmas was a wonderful time for crossdressers. All those wonderful makeup sets to be bought as ‘presents’. My makeup collection increased rapidly as did my skills at applying it!

Fast forward a few years and I am happily married, over 30 years to the love of my life, she knows of Meg’s existence but unfortunately doesn’t get it, she only found out a few years ago and she felt it was a betrayal as I should have been honest up front when we met and in this she is probably right but after a lifetime of hiding it, it had become second nature.

Now that I have been retired due to the pandemic, work dried up and after 2 years off, the thought of commuting and updating my skills held no attraction so now I have a life of leisure and where Meg is in my future still needs to be decided. The chances to dress are limited to a few times a year and the sense of fulfilment at being that other side of me is indescribable and wonderful.

I know that this part of me that is Meg has shaped who I am in the rest of my life definitely for the better. It is just a shame that society still puts judgement on people who don’t conform to the ‘Norm’ rather than accepting and embracing differences.